# preview of updated book



## suzanne (Dec 19, 2009)

These are some previews of updated book, restoring bottles in minutes without tumbling.

 Exerpt from book:
 I stand here before you, dear reader in shame.  I was once a heinous and cruel serial killer of bottles.  I have done all these things listed below and more (shudder) in my blind pursuit of purity.  I killed so many bottles I can't remember if they're in the landfill or the well.  I even took pictures of some of them before I tortured them.  One day I was hit by the blinding light of truth.  At that moment I realized I was forgiven.  It is my cross to bear that I must go forth and help others see the light who otherwise might be led astray and veer down the psychopathic road of insanity and depravity.   Amen.

 Exerpt from book:
 In the meantime Chloey leads a chaotic and disorganized life.  She spends every night of the week at band practice but when they land a gig she doesn't show up.  Her desperate band mates end up having to invite people from the audience to come up and sing the songs.  This works until the club owner shows up, gets annoyed at the off-key warbling, and has the bouncer throw them out.  He flings there musical instruments out in the snow after them.

 Exerpt from book:
 That evening he gets on the internet to see what it would cost to send his bottles to a professional to be tumbled.  When he sees the prices he suffers a cardiac arrythmia and falls to the floor.  His wife hears and rushes in.  She calls 911 and the medics rush Bob to the hospital.  When he is gone she sees that the computer is still on and says to  herself, "Can't be wasting electricity now, can we?"  She is such a practical woman.  She looks at the screen and sees the bottles.  Her eyes widen in horror as she realizes what has put her husband in the hospital.  Red-faced with fury, she jumps up, knocking over the chair with her considerable bulk, and storms into his workshop.  She dumps his bottles unceremoniously in a gunny sack and hastens to the river.


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## suzanne (Dec 19, 2009)

[][][]  Three smiley faces for you.  Bob is in for an awful surprise when he gets out of the hospital.


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## suzanne (Dec 26, 2009)

Note to J.L. - Sorry for the delay.  I'm going to send the updated version but I need about 3 more days to finish it.  Thank you.


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## ajohn (Dec 26, 2009)

> ORIGINAL:  suzanne
> Red-faced with fury, she jumps up, knocking over the chair with her considerable bulk, and storms into his workshop.  She dumps his bottles unceremoniously in a gunny sack and hastens to the river.


  Have you ever seen a "red faced with fury and considerable bulky"woman jump?
 Bob is in a better place...


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## suzanne (Dec 27, 2009)

Yes he is.  The story has a happy ending.  (just kidding)  For real, it actually does have a happy ending.


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## pyshodoodle (Dec 27, 2009)

That reminds me of this one time, at band camp.......


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## suzanne (Dec 28, 2009)

Note to J- It went out this morning priority mail. Thank you.


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## suzanne (Dec 28, 2009)

J - I just realized one of my stories has a mean guy in it with your name!  Oops! I am so sorry.  Sara used to know a kid with that name and he was a little bitch -   this has nothing to do with you in any way.  I am having Sara re-edit the book and use a different name.


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## glass man (Dec 28, 2009)

[][][8D]  NINA ONCE WROTE A STORY BOUT BOTTLEING BOB AND RELUCTANT RITA.[NO IT AIN'T SEXUAL SICK PEOPLE!]

 IT WAS ABOUT HOW RITA WAS SLOWLY BROUGHT AROUND TO LIKING BOTTLES![&:] JIMMIE


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## suzanne (Dec 30, 2009)

If you still have the book you should post it here.  My next next book is going to be about Latin King gangsta Julio finds a bottle and tries to trade it for a gram of crack.


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## madman (Jan 3, 2010)

nice


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## morbious_fod (Jan 3, 2010)

> ORIGINAL:  suzanne
> My next next book is going to be about Latin King gangsta Julio finds a bottle and tries to trade it for a gram of crack.


 
 Yeah......ok. I thought this book was supposed to be about cleaning bottles, not made up stories that just happen to have bottles inserted.

 Maybe I've got the wrong book.


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## suzanne (Jan 4, 2010)

Morbious you can not have a book.  And don't try to make me change my mind.  Another thing, reading material about how to restore bottles is about as exciting as reading the phone book so I have to put some stories in to liven things up.

 And this is to Madman - When stories start out nice they bore a lot of people.  My stories start out with people in dire circumstances  but they have happy endings.  Like for Julio, after being beat up, robbed, etc., over the next few weeks,  he manages to sell his bottle for thousands of dollars, go to rehab, and eventually, run for office. 

  Did you do
 a bottle video on you tube or was that some one else?


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## suzanne (Jan 4, 2010)

It was this sexy video of a guy with Dawn Power Dissolver.  It was so compelling that the next time I went to the store to see if they had any, but they don't sell it around here.


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## morbious_fod (Jan 4, 2010)

> ORIGINAL:  suzanne
> Morbious you can not have a book.  And don't try to make me change my mind.  Another thing, reading material about how to restore bottles is about as exciting as reading the phone book so I have to put some stories in to liven things up.


 
 Madam I wouldn't take your book if you gave it to me to use as toilet paper, no matter how soft and absorbent it may be. A how to book is suppose to read like a phone book, due to it's main function being an instruction guide for performing a task. If I had to wade through a bunch of useless information put in to "liven things up" in order to get the information I purchased the book for then I would be very annoyed that you wasted my time. If you are someone who desperately wants to write interesting fiction then take a crack at that, you may do pretty good.

 Good luck to ya, and I hope you sell a ton of your books.


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## suzanne (Jan 5, 2010)

I am sorry you don't like my stories.  

 My writing days are over anyway.  I had to take time out from my real life to write the book.  Now I have to get back to it.


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## pontil_base (Jan 5, 2010)

Hmmmm.


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## morbious_fod (Jan 5, 2010)

> ORIGINAL:  suzanne
> 
> I am sorry you don't like my stories.
> 
> My writing days are over anyway.  I had to take time out from my real life to write the book.  Now I have to get back to it.


 
 How can I know if I like them or dislike them? I haven't read them, my only problem is the context for which they are used, in what should be a reference book. This is only an opinion, and you can ignore in the order which it was received. What you put in your book is of your own choosing, as it should be. As I said before good luck in selling your book.


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## glass man (Jan 5, 2010)

LOVE YA SUZANNE!! KEEP ON KEEPING ON "DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO,I CAN'T TELL YOU GONNA SOCK IT TO YOU! ITS YOUR THING!" 

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v2-DSKx3Eg JAMIE


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## suzanne (Jan 6, 2010)

Thank you, G-man.  

 Morbious, the stories are in separate chapters from the technical stuff.  I know men think differently than women and they want to get down to business without wasting time on frivolous stuff.
 These are the technical chapters -
 YOUR BOTTLE IS DULL-how to achieve new bottle sparkle, usually  in 10 minutes
 YOUR BOTTLE IS RUSTY-10 minutes
 YOUR BOTTLE HAS SICK SPOTS-how to get rid of them and make bottle shine,  usually takes me 20 to 30 minutes 
 YOUR BOTTLE IS SICK INSIDE-5 minutes or if bottle needs follow up can take an hour
 YOUR BOTTLE IS VERY SICK AND ETCHED INSIDE-varies, sometimes 5 minutes, sometime up to 2 hours depending on bottle
 YOUR WHITTLED OR HEAVILY TEXTURED BOTTLE IS SICK WITH SCRATCHES AND ETCHING -you don't want to lose texture or whittles.  I use this method on most pre-1900 bottles; it's easy but I have to warn you if bottle starts out really bad it can take up to 5 hours
 YOUR BOTTLE IS SICK WITH HEAVY SCUFFS AND MANY SHALLOW SCRATCHES-can take up to 5 hours to do it with minimal texture loss, depends on bottle
 YOUR BOTTLE HAS HEAVY CASEWEAR, DEEP PITS, GOUGES, ETC.-how to make a bottle like this pretty in 6 hours 

 The chapters have sub-chapters that deal with special situations related to the main problem.  The book is 20 pages
 text, 2 pages pictures


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## suzanne (Jan 8, 2010)

Before:

 [Image]http://i49.tinypic.com/ettrm0.jpg[/Image]

 After:

 [Image]http://i49.tinypic.com/2eyb24g.jpg[/Image]

 I am getting bored with cleaning bottles, so I am going to try surgery.
 BMI is a way doctors measure healthy weight. Kitties BMI is 150. That
 means he's morbidly obese. Kitty is having liposuction.

 [Image]http://i47.tinypic.com/2d6kuw9.jpg[/Image]

 When I need to get something done and I need special equipment,
 I look around the house and the yard to see what's laying around.
 This is my rig:

 [Image]http://i45.tinypic.com/2zozqlu.jpg[/Image]

 After surgery:

 [Image]http://i49.tinypic.com/2aabmnr.jpg[/Image]

 Prince is confused about his identity.

 [Image]http://i47.tinypic.com/sdk2uc.jpg[/Image]

 Surgery is not always necessary because of the marvels of modern medicine.

 [Image]http://i47.tinypic.com/2dqj3n4.jpg[/Image]

 After treatment:







 It's wonderful to be able to improve the lives of farm animals.


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## GuntherHess (Jan 8, 2010)

For a Sloans Liniment that is actually quite an improvement.


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## cyberdigger (Jan 8, 2010)

Can't fool me.. it's actually a Barbarella's Liniment! []
 Suze, your to funny!!! []


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## woody (Jan 8, 2010)

I have a Sears vacuum cleaner just like yours.


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## suzanne (Jan 9, 2010)

Correction:
 It was a Sears vacuum cleaner.  Now it is a lean and mean fat sucking machine.  

 Cyberdigger and Mr. Hess - Barbarella uses this stuff in outer space.  When she encounters evil aliens she offers them massages.  Calms them right down.


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## suzanne (Jan 18, 2010)

Note to evil "Pissed, Tired, And Hungry"
 You are not allowed on this thread.  You are making me look bad.  Go to bed.


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## suzanne (Jan 26, 2010)

Here are some bottles that I picked up this afternoon, they are rusty, sick, and scratched.
 I washed them with soap and water before Sara took the before picture.


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## suzanne (Jan 26, 2010)

Now the bottles are half done. To get them to look this way, it took one hour and the amount of money that I spent on materials was $0.00. I'll probably finish the bottles tomorrow and then have Sara post the last picture.


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## epackage (Jan 26, 2010)

While my money is too tight to buy your book right now I think the results are great, I have 2 boxes of bottles just like that and I wish I could get them that nice for such little money....Well Done....Jim


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## suzanne (Jan 27, 2010)

Thank you, E.  When you spend money cleaning bottles it is kind of like an investment, regardless of the method you use.    It costs money but then the bottle is worth a lot more.  The trick is to spend as little as possible and get the best results, especially when it comes to  common bottles like the ones pictured.  To be honest, it can sometimes require up to 6 dollars worth of materials to restore some bottles to sparkly condition if they start out  horrible.   

 But just for the sake of comparison, 
 I believe (without looking it up) that a one canister tumbler with supplies runs around 800.00 and if you send bottles out to be tumbled it costs between 20 and 40 dollars a bottle + shipping both ways.


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## suzanne (Jan 28, 2010)

These are the wine bottles after a final polish.


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## suzanne (Jan 28, 2010)

I don't have any before pictures for these, but they turned out so well, that I had to post them anyways. When I got them they had heavy case-wear and deep scratches.


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## cyberdigger (Jan 28, 2010)

Hey, where'd you get that cute little codd?? Where's it from??


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## suzanne (Jan 29, 2010)

I saw it on a table at an auction and immediately fell victim to infatuation.  I waited all day for the auctioneer to get to that particular bottle and left 20 dollars poorer, clutching my dream bottle.  On the way home at stop lights I could not resist picking it up and admiring it.  It is a Hinds Coventry with elephant and is the cutest thing I ever saw.  It had mineral deposits and light casewear but cleaned up in a half hour at a cost of a dollars worth materials.


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